Never Existed
by SaffronAngel
Summary: Edward left Bella. But what if she took his promise that it would be as if he never existed literally?
1. Chapter 1

DISCLAIMER: Nope not mine. But I wouldn't mind having Jasper for a while.

SUMMARY: Edward left Bella in New Moon. He told her that it would be as if he'd never existed. What if she took it literally?

* * *

Charlie's POV

It's been four months since the Cullens left town and my daughter has been a basket case ever since. She hasn't eaten much of anything since that awful night. And she doesn't sleep. Not without nightmares anyway. I've grown so used to hearing her wake up screaming that I wake up if it's too quiet around here anymore.

I can't believe that Edward just left her like that. Didn't he know what it would do to her? Did he even stop to think about it? Did he even care that he was ripping a girl apart?

I watch her everyday. She sits on the couch with her arms wrapped around her middle as if she's trying to hold something in.

I want to help her. I just don't know how. And I don't know how much longer I can keep this up.


	2. Chapter 2

Four months, almost to the day after the Cullen family left Forks, Bella woke up. So to speak. She came bouncing down the stairs and grabbed a bowl of cereal as Charlie sat there reading the morning paper.

"Morning, Dad."

"Well, you seem better this morning."

She looked up at him. "Better? Have I been sick?"

'_She doesn't remember? How could that be? I guess I'd better just play along. Don't want her to go back to her almost zombie like state.'_ "Not really, Bells. Just a little down in the dumps. It's good to see you back to normal."

"Thanks, Dad. I feel good today. Like today's that new day that I've been waiting for."

"Good. Well, I need to get going. I'll see you tonight."

"Okay. See you then." Bella finished her breakfast and headed off to school.

****

During Calculus Bella decided to see if Jess wanted to go to a movie or something.

When class let out five minutes early, she caught Jessica's arm. "Hey, Jess?"

"Are you talking to me, Bella?"

Her tone threw Bella for a moment and then she pulled herself together. "Of course, do you see another Jess sitting here?"

"What? Do you need help with Calculus?"

"No." Now Bella was trying to figure out what she'd done wrong. "Actually I wanted to know if you'd go to the movies with me tonight. It's been so long since I've been out on a girls' night."

"Why are you asking me?"

"What did I do? Why are you acting like this?"

"I don't know. Maybe it's the fact that you've been completely antisocial for the last four months. Ever since Edward left."

"Edward? Edward who?"

"Don't tell me you don't remember Edward Cullen. The two of you were practically joined at the hip up until four months ago when his family up and left, leaving you in an almost catatonic state in the woods. Your father had half the town looking for you. One of the boys from the reservation found you."

"I wish I knew what you were talking about Jess. I've never really had a boyfriend. And I don't know anyone named Edward Cullen." Bella shook her head. "I swear you should write a book about that. It sounds like you've got the makings of a bestseller floating around in your head. Anyway, do you want to go to Port Angeles and see a movie with me tonight?"

"What do you want to see?"

"I don't care. You choose."

"Okay. You want me to pick you up after school?" Jessica had decided to just play along. She'd take advantage of the situation for now. Of course, she didn't expect it to last for long.


	3. Chapter 3

THREE YEARS LATER

Isabella Swan was just starting the second semester of her sophomore year of college. She was still trying to figure out what her major would be but she was leaning toward psychology.

She was attending a local college in New Hampshire with a job in the nearby town, working at a sporting goods store. She had told her boss there that the place reminded her of the sporting goods store she'd worked at back home in Forks.

Living in an apartment off campus this year was a highlight for the young woman. She enjoyed her schooling but at least in her apartment she could have a bit of relative privacy.

They were only about three weeks into the semester when Bella got sick.

****

Waking up one morning, she felt sick to her stomach and chilled to the bone. Picking up the phone, she managed to dial her best friend, Trisha.

"Hey, Trish?"

"Who is it?"

"It's Bella. I need a favor. Can you get my homework from my professors today? I don't think I'm going to class."

"Bells, are you okay? You sound awful."

"I feel worse than I sound. Trust me. I think I'm just going to crawl back into bed and sleep."

"Okay, hun. You rest. I'll bring you the assignments. I'll see you later." The two hung up the phone and Bella managed to crawl back to her room and on to her bed.

****

About five pm that afternoon, Trisha knocked on Bella's door. When there was no answer, she used her key and opened the door.

"Bella? Bella, honey, you home?"

Softly calling her friend's name, Trisha walked through the small apartment. There was no answer and Trisha started to get really worried about her friend.

Walking into the bedroom, she found Bella unconscious on the bed. Not even under the covers. She ran to the young woman's side and put a hand to her forehead.

Bella's fever was sky high. "Bella! Bella, wake up!"

Trisha fished her cell phone out of her pants pocket and dialed 911. After giving them all the pertinent information, Trisha went out into the hallway to wait for the ambulance that was on the way.

****

"Dr. Cullen, I know it's almost time for your shift to end but we have a young lady being brought in. Her friend went over to check on her because she was sick this morning and found her unconscious in her bedroom. She said it felt like the young woman was on fire. The ambulance is on the way in now. Would you mind taking a look at her?"

"Of course. I don't mind at all. Just let me call my wife and let her know that I'll be a little late." He pulled out his little silver cell phone and dialed. "Hello, Esme. I'm going to be running a bit late tonight. We have a very sick young woman coming in by ambulance and they've asked me to stay." He waited for her response and nodded telling her that he'd see her later. He threw his phone back in his pocket and went to wait in the ER for the new arrival.

****

As the medics wheeled in the gurney, Carlisle was shocked to see who the young woman was that they had brought in. "Bella?" he murmured.

"Did you say something, doctor?"

"No. No. Take her into exam room three. I'll be right there." He disappeared into his office for a moment to take an unnecessary breath. "Bella's here? What could have happened to her?"

He went out to the exam room and started trying to find out what had happened to the young woman he had once looked at like a daughter.

****

Almost two and a half hours later they had finally brought Bella's temperature down to a reasonable level and she seemed to be resting comfortably. Carlisle walked out of the exam room to find a very worried Trisha sitting there, waiting to talk to him.

"Is she going to be okay?"

"I think so. She's very sick though. It's going to take some time and she'll be here in the hospital for a while. I've already started the paperwork to admit her for at least 48 hours. I want to make sure that she's monitored closely for that fever. Of course, not knowing how long she'd been lying there with her temperature that high, we have to watch for brain damage as well. She's very lucky you got there when you did." He looked at the young woman in front of him closely. "I want you to watch yourself for signs that you may be getting sick as well. I'm not sure what caused the sudden spike in her temperature so I don't know if it's contagious. Just be careful."

"I will. Thank you, doctor. They told me that you were supposed to leave almost two hours ago. Thank you for staying to take care of Bella. She means the world to me."

'_That makes two of us,' _Carlisle thought sadly.


	4. Chapter 4

Carlisle sat in Bella's room, watching over her. He knew that Alice had probably already seen the situation and told Esme all about it.

Bella's eyes popped open. The fever-glazed orbs settled on Carlisle's snowy white face. "Carlisle? What are you doing here?"

"Watching over you. How do you feel?" He put his cold hand against her forehead.

"Confused. You abandoned me. What did I do wrong?" Tears welled up in her glassy eyes.

"Bella, honey, you did nothing wrong. We were only trying to protect you."

"Your hand feels good."

"You still have a fever and it seems to be climbing again. Just relax, Bella." He stood up to go after a cool cloth but she frantically grabbed at his hand.

"Don't leave me! Not again!"

He sat down again. "I'm not leaving. I just need a cool damp towel to help bring down your fever."

"Please don't leave me! I can't go through that again!"

He placed a hand against her forehead again as he sat down on the edge of the bed. "I'm not leaving. I promise. I'm right here. I'm not leaving you."

Just then, the door opened and Alice walked in. "Carlisle, how is she?"

"She's still feverish. But it's not as bad. I was just about to call for a nurse to bring some ice and a cool cloth. It seems that her fever is climbing again."

Alice immediately darted to the bedside and placed her cooling hands on Bella's neck.

"Alice, why did you leave without saying goodbye?"

"I argued with Edward for hours about that. I wanted to stay. I would have stayed by myself if I thought they would have let me."

"I missed you so much. I needed you to keep me from falling apart." Bella was really crying at this point.

"Carlisle, what's wrong with her?" Alice's eyes were filled with fear for this young woman.

"I wish I knew, Alice. Nothing we've seen so far has pointed to any physical cause for this. The only other option is psychological. But I can't help her there."

"What could have happened to her?"

"I think it's our fault."


	5. Chapter 5

"What do you mean, it's our fault?" Alice asked.

"I just think that our leaving Forks had something to do with this mess we find her in."

"It's not possible. How could we have caused this?"

"I don't know, Alice. But we need to help our girl before the situation worsens."

Bella's voice whispered through the room. "Don't leave me again. Please don't leave."

"We won't, Bella. We won't." Alice's whispered words were just loud enough for her to hear. But the words didn't comfort Bella nearly as much as the cool kiss she placed on her 'little sister's' brow.

Alice sat beside Bella's bed until the sun rose and then she was reluctant to leave when the girl needed her so much.

"Alice, you can't stay. You need to get home. Make sure the others know where Bella is. Tell them what happened."

Alice sighed and stood up. "Carlisle, I don't want to leave her."

"I know. But I'll stay and take care of her. The nurses have gotten used to me being around the hospital on a constant basis. I won't have to go unless I need to hunt and that won't be for a while yet."

"What about Edward? He came home from class yesterday asking if I'd seen anything about Bella. He knew she wasn't in class. How long do you think I can hide this from him?"

"You have to keep it from him. Alice, if he knows what happened to Bella, he'll come charging in here and who knows what will happen. That's only if he doesn't blame himself and run off again."

Alice's shoulders slumped. "I'll try. But I don't know if I can do it." She trudged out of the room.

At the entrance to the hospital's garage, Alice made a decision. She dialed her phone.

"Jazz, I want you to get a plane ticket to Forks. We need to find out what happened to Bella."

"What do you mean?"

"She's in the hospital. She's really sick and we need to find out what happened."

"Okay. What about you?"

"I'm already on my way to the airport. I'll meet you there. Just don't tell anyone. And stay away from Edward as much as possible."

"Okay. I'll meet you there."

She hung up and went to her car. "We'll help you, Bella. I promise."


	6. Chapter 6

Alice knocked on Charlie's door, almost afraid of the reception she was going to get. After all, she had been one of those that had abandoned Bella without so much as a goodbye.

But the Charlie who opened the door wasn't the same one they'd left behind three years ago. This man was older and not just physically. There was an air of age around him that was almost palpable.

"Alice?"

"Hello, Charlie."

"It's good to see you. And who is this young man?"

"This is Jasper."

"Come in. What can I do for the two of you?"

Alice and Jasper followed the police chief into the living room and sat down before either of them spoke again. "We're actually here about Bella. She's in the hospital, running a fever that seems to come and go. Carlisle can't seem to find any pathological cause for the sickness."

"I've been almost afraid of this. To understand I think I'd better explain what she was like after you guys left. It was so awful. I've never felt so helpless. I just didn't know what to do. That first week – I thought I was going to have to hospitalize her. She wouldn't eat or drink, she wouldn't move. Dr. Gerandy was throwing around words like 'catatonic', but I didn't let him up to see her. I was afraid it would scare her."

"She snapped out of it though?"

"I had Renee come to take her to Florida. I just didn't want to be the one … if she had to go to the hospital or something. I hoped being with her mother would help. But when we started packing her clothes, she woke up with a vengeance. I've never seen Bella throw a fit like that. She was never one for the tantrums, but, boy, did she fly into a fury. She threw her clothes everywhere and screamed that we couldn't make her leave – and then she finally started crying. I thought that would be the turning point. I didn't argue when she insisted on staying here … and she did seem to get better at first …"

Alice's voice broke the quiet. "But?" She wanted to cry, saddened by what they had put poor Bella through when they left.

"She went back to school and work, she ate and slept and did her homework. She answered when someone asked her a direct question. But she was … empty. Her eyes were blank. There were lots of little things – she wouldn't listen to music anymore; I found a bunch of CDs broken in the trash. She didn't read; she wouldn't be in the same room when the TV was on, not that she watched it so much before. I finally figured it out – she was avoiding everything that might remind her of him."

Alice leaned into the arm that Jasper wrapped around her. He was trying to help Charlie as well but the pain was still too raw.

"We could hardly talk; I was so worried about saying something that would upset her – the littlest things would make her flinch – and she never volunteered anything. She would just answer if I asked her something. She was alone all the time. She didn't call her friends back, and after a while, they stopped calling. It was night of the living dead around here. I still can hear her screaming in her sleep …"

Charlie shuddered and Alice's urge to shed the tears that filled her heart renewed itself. Jasper held her a little tighter and even rocked her a bit, becoming frustrated at the pain this was causing his love. They had all loved Bella and they abandoned her. Part of him wanted to hate Edward for the pain that Alice had been through over the past three years and part of him felt bad for his brother because he knew that Edward had suffered too.

"Anyway, about four months after you guys left, she came down the stairs for school one morning as if nothing had happened. She apparently didn't even remember you guys. Everyone at school noticed the change in her. They just played along once they realized that somehow she'd blocked out the memory of your family. After a while it was as if you hadn't been here at all. Everyone stopped saying your name around her and they just went back to being her friends."

"What happened?"

"I didn't know at first. So I made an appointment and talked to a psychiatrist. He explained what had happened. Apparently, her mind put a block in place to lock away the painful memory of what had happened between her and Edward. But since all the memories she had of the family hurt, her mind locked them all away. He explained that someday that block would break down and it was possible that she would end up being physically sick because of the flood of memories."

"Did he say what could cause the block to break down?" Jasper was asking the questions now. Alice almost couldn't even talk which frightened him.

"He said the block was like a large thick pane of glass. Little things could chip at it like pebbles at a windshield. Eventually, enough little things would cause enough chips that the block would just shatter."

"We've been in town for almost two and a half months. I think she's seen us a few times and maybe that's been what chipped her block but I think what finally did it was Edward being in her biology class. He says that it was almost exactly like the first time he'd seen her in biology class here."

Alice shuddered as she remembered the feeling that had flooded her in her English class. She'd seen it.

FLASHBACK/ VISION

_Edward walked into the biology room, noticing right away that there was only one empty seat. He couldn't believe who else was at that particular table. There sat the woman of his dreams._

_Unfortunately for Edward, there was a fan setting behind Bella to move the warmer air around. It happened to move just as Edward approached the table to sit down, hitting him square in the face with her scent. _

_His eyes went black and Alice could almost feel the urge he had to bend his head to her neck and drink until his hunger was well and truly sated. He could picture killing every other human in the room. Part of him though just wanted to pick her up and run away with her. _

_She shook loose her mane of hair and dropped it between them when she saw the look of stark hunger in his eyes. Eyes that were blacker than a starless night. _

_His frustration was echoing in his mind. Why didn't she speak to him? Why was she hiding behind her hair like that? Why was she leaning away from him? _

_He looked as if he'd smelled something disgusting. He couldn't possibly see how he looked to her. He couldn't see the monster flaring in his eyes. But he could feel the burn at the back of his throat, screaming for fresh, warm, living, human blood. The monster was clawing at him._

_Alice could see things from both points of view, like a split screen on TV. Bella kept peeking at Edward during the class through her hair. Something was very familiar about this whole scene to her but she just couldn't put her finger on it._

_Edward sat stiffly on the edge of his chair as far away from her as he could get without leaving the table. His left hand was fisted and setting on his left leg. The tendons stood out under his pale skin. He wanted to talk to her but he didn't know why she didn't seem to know him. He was puzzled. More than ever he wished he could read her thoughts. Instead, he heard the thoughts of those around him._

'Why is he acting like that? He's scaring Bella. Can't he see that?'

'What kind of drugs is this guy on? He looks like he wants to kill Bella. Why would anyone want to hurt her? She's such a sweet person.'

'I wonder what's going on. He seems to know her or something. But why does he look so angry with her?'

He tried to relax with that last thought. He hadn't realized that he was scaring the woman he loved. He almost laughed out loud. Apparently, she had gained some sense of self-preservation over the past three years. He simply stopped breathing to attempt to stop the torture.

_When he walked out of the class he wanted to stop her and ask her what was going on. He simply walked away from her though. He would talk to her another time._

END FLASHBACK/ VISION

She had excused herself from the class and gone to stand near the classroom that Edward was in. She had unobtrusively watched through a window as Edward fought with himself.

She was proud when he walked away from her as class let out. She knew what would happen when they got home and she was ready for it.

Emmett had a heck of a fight on his hands that night.


	7. Chapter 7

Edward walked up the steps to the house. He could hear Esme wondering where Alice was and why Jasper had taken off so early that morning. "Esme, Bella missed class again today. Do you know anything about it?" he called out as he walked into the kitchen.

Esme tried to keep her mind focused on the fact that she didn't have any idea where Alice or Jasper was. She didn't want him to know what had happened. But she slipped, the phone call she and Carlisle had had the night before rose in the front of her mind.

"She's in the hospital? Is that why Carlisle didn't come home?" He walked up to Esme who looked as distraught as a person could get. "What's wrong with her?"

"She has a high fever that seems to come and go. Carlisle's been staying with her and keeping an eye on her. She recognized Carlisle and Alice." She took a breath. "I don't know where Alice went. She called yesterday and Jasper took off."

"I'm going to the hospital."

"Edward, don't." Esme's pleading voice stopped Edward in his tracks. He heard true fear in his mother's tone. "Carlisle doesn't know what's causing this. He can't find any pathological cause. I'm worried about her. She didn't recognize any of us in the past two months that we've been in town. We didn't try talking to her because we thought it was for the best. Maybe …" Esme stopped. But her thoughts continued on the path her voice couldn't.

"Maybe us being here is the reason she's sick." Edward's cold tone loosed the words into the air. "Then, maybe I can help her get better."

Before Esme could stop him, Edward was out the door and back in his car. She reached for the phone.

"Carlisle, Edward found out. He's on his way. How is she?"

"I don't know. Her fever comes and goes. She only seems to recognize me when the fever is high. I just don't know what to do for her."

"You'll figure it out, dear. I have faith in you. But what are we going to do about Edward? And Alice and Jasper have run off. I have no idea where they went."

"I'll take care of Edward. You try to call Alice and Jasper. Get them back here. I have a feeling we'll need the two of them soon enough."

Esme hung up and buried her head in her hands, sobbing so hard that it looked like she was going to shake the kitchen table to pieces.

****

Edward walked into the hospital and went straight to his father's office. Carlisle wasn't there. He closed his eyes and listened intently for a moment.

'Dr. Cullen hasn't left her side since she was brought in. I wonder if he knows the poor girl.'

'_I can't believe he asked me out!'_

'_That girl in 229, Isabella Swan, is so lucky that Dr. Cullen is looking out for her. He's a true miracle worker. We sure were lucky to get someone of his caliber here. I'm sure that he had better offers from larger hospitals.'_

229. That was the room his angel was in. He had to find a way to help her. He was certain that it was all his fault that she was here.

He headed for the stairwell. Once he was there he used his speed to all but fly up the stairs to the second floor.

****

Carlisle could hear his son's footsteps coming down the hall and he looked up as Edward walked into the room. "Edward."

"Carlisle." He walked to the side of the bed and gazed down into the face that he had once thought never to see again. Imagine his surprise when he had found out that Bella was living in the same town that they had now moved to.

FLASHBACK

_It was three days after they'd moved into the house on the outskirts of town. Emmett came running in with a glint in his eyes. "Bella's here!" he had bellowed. "She's here! I just saw her in town. She's working at a little sporting goods store."_

"_Bella? What?" Esme asked. The thought of seeing her adopted daughter again was almost painful for her. Edward didn't want to see Esme hurt that way again._

"_I'm not joking, Esme. I wouldn't do that to you. I just saw her leaving the sporting goods store downtown. It's the one that reminds us so much of Newton's back in Forks. She was saying goodnight to a young woman as they locked up the store."_

"_What makes you think she works there?" Jasper asked._

"_She told the other girl that she had the day off tomorrow and had a double shift on Saturday. I'm telling you, she works there." _

"_Okay, Emmett." Carlisle was getting into the conversation now. He wanted to calm things down and he wanted to ease Esme's mind about this. "You tell us this is Bella. Did she say anything to you?"_

"_She didn't even seem to notice me. Not until I called her name that is. She turned to look at me and it was as if she didn't even recognize me. Why would she do that, Carlisle?" Now it was Emmett's turn to look hurt._

"_Maybe because we left her without a goodbye or anything else," Alice snapped. "Maybe she wants to hurt us the way we hurt her."_

"_Bella's not like that, Alice. You know that as well as I do." Emmett turned to the little pixie-like vampire. "She's not mean."_

"_It's been three years since any of us has seen her, Emmett. That's a long time for a human. Maybe she's changed from when we knew her."_

"_Not Bella. She doesn't have a mean bone in her whole body." Emmett had been the only one at the time that truly believed that the youngest member of their family wasn't doing this on purpose._

FLASHBACK ENDS

"I'm almost leaning toward a psychological explanation for this fever. But I need to talk to some people."

"Then do it, Carlisle. Please. I need her to live. I want her to be part of our lives again."

"Every time I try to leave her side, she cries out to me not to abandon her again."

Just then, Bella woke up. "Carlisle. You're still here."

"I can't leave you like this, Bella. But I need to figure out what's causing your fever."

"Don't go. Don't leave me alone again. I was so scared laying there in the woods. He ran so fast. I couldn't catch him. I tried but I just couldn't. He left me. You all did. But he was so mean about it. Don't leave me again." The tears in her voice tore at Edward the way nothing else could.

"Bella, look. He came back for you." She turned her head and the fever-glazed eyes locked on Edward's form standing beside the bed.

"Edward? Is it really you?"

"I'm right here. I'm not leaving you again. I swear."

"If thou swearest thou mayest prove false." At her words, Edward smiled sadly. "Oh gentle Romeo, if thou dost love pronounce it faithfully."

"Oh Lady, by yonder blessed moon I vow that tips with silver all these fruit tree tops…"

"Oh swear not by the moon, the inconstant moon that monthly changes in its circled orb lest that thy love prove likewise variable."

"Then what shall I swear by?"

"Do not swear at all. Or, if thou wilt, swear by thy gracious self which is the god of my idolatry and I will believe you."

"Bella, if I ever leave you again, I hope that I die shortly after that."

Edward sat down in a chair next to the bed and took Bella's hand. Carlisle decided it would be best if he left the two to talk and slipped quietly out of the room.


	8. Chapter 8

Neither one of them noticed that Carlisle had left. Edward brushed a gentle hand across Bella's forehead. She closed her eyes. "That feels so good," she sighed. "Why is it so hot in here, Edward?"

"It's not hot. You're running a fever." He settled one hand on her forehead and the other clasped her hand tightly. "Don't worry. We'll help you through this."

Her tears started falling. "You left me. You said you didn't want me."

"Bella, I lied. I thought it was for the best. After your birthday party, I thought you'd be safer without us around. The whole family fought me on it. They all wanted to stay. You were part of our family. You still are. Alice hated me for so long for making us leave you like that. She made sure that that was all she thought about when I was around. How much she hated me for hurting you like that. She saw you. She saw you being lost in the woods and trying to find me. She saw everyone looking for you. She wanted to come back or at least send Jasper or Emmett. I wouldn't let her. Alice screamed at me in her mind for hours until she saw that they'd found you."

"How could something that hurt so much be better for me? How could I be safer when I would go out in the woods, not caring if anything got me? Charlie never knew about those trips. It was always in the middle of the night. I thought that maybe if a vampire found me I could convince them to change me. I thought that maybe then I'd be good enough for you. I was so lost without you."

"Bella, I'm begging you to forgive me for that. I want you to know that I was just as miserable. I wished I could die. Especially when Alice showed me the vision of you lost and crying in the woods. She showed me that so many times that I could probably draw the exact picture. My heart broke when she showed me the moment your future disappeared. The next thing she saw, you were safe at home and asleep on the couch."

"You lied to me to protect me?"

"I did. I just didn't think it would be so easy to convince you of that lie. How could you believe me? I told you I loved you in so many ways so many times. But the one time I say that I didn't want you anymore you believed me. As if I could exist without NEEDING you. I have always loved you and I will always love you. Lying to you like that, it tore me apart inside. I felt so empty while I was away from you. It took Jasper, Emmett and Carlisle to bully me to go hunting. And they had to resort to unfair tactics." At the puzzlement on Bella's face, Edward chuckled darkly. "They played the Esme card. They asked me if I wanted Esme to lose a second child. Esme was already depressed that we had left you the way we did. I had taken away one child and was seemingly trying to take another from her."

"Of course. You would never do anything to hurt Esme." The thought went unsaid. _'Not like you did me.'_

"Bella, please forgive me. I need you to forgive me. Please."

"I ---"

****

A/N: Muah hahahaha! Cliffie!!!!!!!!! How's that??


	9. Chapter 9

Just as Edward thought Bella was about to forgive him, a seizure gripped her. All he could do was hold her enough to make sure that she didn't fall off the bed.

Carlisle and four nurses ran into the room. "Get me an ice bath!" Carlisle shouted. Two of the nurses ran off while the other two stepped to the bed with Carlisle who looked up at Edward. "Her fever's spiking again. Higher than ever. We have to bring it down fast."

Edward started speaking faster than human ears could hear. "Carlisle, let me help. Please. You know I can."

Carlisle did reciprocated. "I know you can, Edward. But the hospital doesn't know about the degrees you hold. They think of you as an eighteen-year-old boy. I'll take good care of her. You know that. Let us do what we do best." Edward nodded and stepped away from the bed. Another gurney rolled in and Edward helped to transfer her to the new bed before stepping away with a look of anguish on his face.

He knew that he'd better call Esme and let her know what was happening.

****

Alice was still sitting on Charlie's couch when her cell phone rang. "Alice?"

"Esme, what's wrong?"

"Edward went to the hospital. He talked to Bella. She had a seizure, Alice. They have to put her in an ice bath."

Alice gasped. Charlie's attention was focused on her. "What's wrong with Bella?"

"Just a moment, Esme." She turned to Bella's father. "She had a seizure because of her fever, Charlie. Carlisle is getting her into an ice bath."

"Come home, Alice. You and Jasper. Bring Charlie. Carlisle thinks we'll need Jasper's ability. Charlie can stay with us or if he wants we'll put him up in a hotel. I think Bella should be surrounded by people who love her."

"I promise. We'll be on the next flight out." Alice hung up and turned to Charlie. "Do you want to come with us? We'll pay for your flight."

"My daughter needs me." Charlie seemed to be in shock. He stood up and looked around as if he didn't know where he was.

"Charlie!" Alice yelled. He snapped out of it. "Listen to me. We'll take care of the flight. Do you want to stay at our house or would you rather have a hotel room?"

"I couldn't impose on you like that. I'll get a hotel room."

"Just go pack. We'll make all the arrangements you need." Charlie nodded and headed up the stairs.

Alice dialed the airport and made the arrangements to fly out on the next available flight while Jasper called to find the hotel closest to the hospital and reserve Charlie a room. All the arrangements had been made before Charlie started back down the stairs with a suitcase in hand.

"I'm ready."

"So are we. Our flight leaves in just three hours. We'll get something to eat at the airport."

They quietly loaded Charlie into the rental car and drove to the airport holding hands.

****

Edward stood in Bella's room for long minutes after she'd been wheeled out, wishing he could cry. He bent his head and inhaled deeply, soaking his senses in her scent and feeling his throat burn.

Abruptly, he wheeled around and left the room. He knew that if he was going to stay near to help Bella he was going to have to hunt.


	10. Chapter 10

When Alice, Jasper and Charlie arrived at the airport, the car was waiting for them. They dropped Charlie off at the hotel. "Rest for a little bit, Charlie. From what Esme says they're still trying to get her temperature back down to a safer level. We won't be able to see her for a little bit."

Charlie nodded and headed up the stairs. All he wanted was to see his daughter and to hold her.

"Jasper, he looks so lost and afraid."

"After what he told us, can you blame him? I mean we abandoned the daughter he loves and all of a sudden we're back in the same town as her and she gets sick? He can't possibly think that this is a coincidence."

"I know. I just hope he doesn't blame us."

"I don't think he does. I think he might blame Edward but not the rest of us. At least not as much."

The two of them drove back to their home where Esme was waiting.

****

Carlisle had helped lift Bella off the bed and into the ice bath when they arrived in the room.

Bella's scream echoed through the room and all Carlisle could do was pray that Edward was far enough away that he wouldn't hear it.

"Please. Stop. Let me out. Please." Her pitiful cries made Carlisle hate himself. He didn't want to hurt her but he knew that this was the quickest way to make her temperature go down. "Carlisle, why are you doing this to me? What did I do?"

He knelt down beside the tub as the nurses continued to pour the water over her head. "It's the fever, Bella. We have to bring your temperature down so that it doesn't kill you. If it doesn't come down soon, you might suffer from brain damage. I don't want that for you. Just hang in there. Once the fever breaks we can pull you out."

"Carlisle, it hurts. It hurts so much." The tears streaming down her face made Carlisle glad that Esme wasn't there.

It didn't take long before she was shivering in the water, which was quickly loosing its chill. "Her temperature's back down, Dr. Cullen."

"Okay. Let's get her out of there. You two get her into some dry clothes and I'll come back in to evaluate her." The nurse nodded and Carlisle left the room.

As soon as the nurses had Bella in clean dry clothes, they called him back. He bent over the young woman and checked her temperature as well as her other vitals. "She's out of danger for now. Let's get her back to her room."

"Yes, Doctor Cullen." The nurses immediately wheeled her back to her room where Carlisle picked her up by himself and placed her gently back in her bed.

"Carlisle?" Bella whispered.

"Yes, Bella?"

"May I please have a blanket? I feel so cold." He pressed his hand to her forehead.

"Maybe just for a little while." He pulled out a light blanket and draped it over her. She snuggled down under it. She was asleep almost before Carlisle took his post in the chair by her bed.


	11. Chapter 11

Edward stopped at the house before going back to the hospital. He walked in the door just after Alice went upstairs to change her clothes. Jasper was waiting for her in the living room.

"Jasper, where's Alice?"

"Upstairs changing. She didn't bother to pack anything before we left for Forks."

"You went to Forks?"

"Alice thought we might be able to get some insight on what happened with Bella. We brought Charlie back with us. He's at the hotel near the hospital."

Edward paused for a moment going over everything that Charlie had said. Jasper just kept going over it and blaming himself for the family having to pick up and move the way they did. "It wasn't your fault. She doesn't blame you. She told Alice that the night it happened."

Alice came running down the stairs. "Edward!" she cried as she flung herself at her brother. "She looks so much more fragile laying in that bed! She was always breakable but she's so much paler. I saw the ice bath. Just as Esme called us I saw it. I heard her." The heart-rending tone in Alice's voice made Jasper get up and pull his wife into his arms. Edward put a comforting hand on his sister's head.

"Alice, we'll make this better. I promise. I won't let her slip away from us." Edward left the house to drive back to the hospital.

****

Edward walked back into the room where Bella was sleeping in the bed. Carlisle was sitting next to her still. The anguish in Edward's eyes told his father figure that he knew what had happened with the ice bath.

"I'm sorry, Edward. It had to be done."

"I know. I don't blame you, Carlisle. What can I do to help?"

"I need to go talk to some colleagues of mine. See if they have any ideas as to what could be causing this."

"Talk to Alice. She and Jasper went to talk to Charlie and he gave them some information that could help. They brought him back with them."

"Where is he now?"

"Jasper said that they'd dropped him off at the hotel closest to here. I was almost expecting him to already be here." Just then, Charlie Swan walked into his daughter's room.

"YOU!!! You caused this! You made my little girl into a basket case for four months! All she ever did was love you and you turned her into a puzzle!"

Edward bowed his head. "Yes I did. I wish I could take it all back. Charlie, I honestly thought she'd be better off without me around."

"Don't you talk to me! I don't care what you have to say. Carlisle, how's my daughter?"

"Charlie, I wish I knew what to say. I have to talk to a couple of my colleagues here in the psychiatry department. I think this was brought on psychologically as a result of her blocking the memories of Edward and the rest of the family."

"That's what the psychologist I talked to said could happen when this all started. After four months, she started acting as if your family had never been part of our lives. I was careful not to force her into facing the facts at the time. I thought it was all for the best."

Charlie walked over to Bella and brushed his hand over her forehead. "I thought I was protecting my baby girl."

Carlisle walked over to the man. "Our children are the most important things in our lives, chief. All we ever want to do is protect them. There's nothing there to be ashamed of. I still feel the same way about all of my children. Even though they're all old enough to take care of themselves."

"Don't let her leave me, Carlisle. Please don't let her leave me." Charlie's shoulders started shaking with his sobs as he stared down at his daughter.

Edward walked away, leaving a father to care for his daughter.


	12. Chapter 12

Charlie sat down next to his little girl, his tears still falling down his face. Carlisle had moved the chair on that side closer so that he could hold Bella's hand. "Baby, I'm sorry. I shouldn't have let you hide things the way you did. I should have made you face the fact that he had chosen to leave you. I should have made you move on. Maybe then you wouldn't be here right now."

With Charlie's broken voice ringing in his ears, Carlisle left to find out what his colleagues could tell him about this situation.

****

"Carlisle, we're sorry. But at this point, all that can be done is being done. You can't break through to her now. It's apparent to us that she has suffered a complete loss of the block she had put in place. She is the only one that can make this better right now. All you can do is try to keep the fever from killing her. But I would recommend that you make sure your son is there to talk to her as much as possible."

"Edward? Why?"

"You told us that he left her. According to her he was very cruel about it. He needs to talk to her. Not only for her sake but for his own. He has to accept the fact that she may be cruel in return. In fact, if she is cruel, it may speed the healing process along."

Carlisle could tell that there was more to what his friend was saying. "What aren't you telling me, Darryl?"

"She may not ever fully recover. She may even slip into a coma and die. No one knows what causes these kinds of breakdowns or how to fix them when they happen. It's a case-by-case scenario. All I can tell you is what I've seen. I can give you ideas to try and we can see if they work. I can't give you a guarantee. The mind is a fragile thing and we have no clue as to exactly what goes on in there."

Carlisle nodded. He understood now. He just wasn't sure if he should tell Edward about the possibilities.

"I wouldn't tell Edward. But make sure her father knows what could happen. Make sure that he gives Edward plenty of chances to talk to her. He could be the deciding factor in whether or not she actually recovers."

"You mean that if Edward doesn't talk to her and explain, she may never escape this fever and it could eventually kill her." Carlisle's words carved out what was left of his heart. He might loose Bella anyway, even with all he was doing to save her.

"It's a possibility. Carlisle, I can tell you're close to this girl. I would warn you to be prepared for the possibility and make sure that the rest of your family is ready for it too."

Carlisle nodded. "I will. Thank you, Darryl."

"On a professional note, I've never seen one of these cases before. Would you mind if I check in on her and maybe document the things you try and how well or poorly they work?"

Carlisle smiled at his friend. "Of course not. It might help some other family with a similar problem."

"Thank you, Carlisle. I'll stop by later."

****

"Charlie," Carlisle voice softly reached through the man's sorrow. Charlie sat up suddenly. "It's okay. Bella's fine. Except for the fever of course. I just want you to be comfortable. Why don't you go on back to the hotel and I'll sit with Bella for the night? I promise I'll call if anything changes."

Charlie nodded, so tired that he couldn't argue with the doctor. He was doing everything he could for Bella and he wasn't the one that had callously ripped out his daughter's heart and thrown it away. He stood up, kissed his little girl's forehead and walked toward the door. Carlisle couldn't remember seeing any man look as broken as Charlie looked just then.

If he could have wept for the man, he would have.

****

Not ten minutes after Charlie had left, Edward walked into the room. "What did you find out, Carlisle?"

_'Edward, you may just be the key to Bella's recovery. Of course she could get mean at points. She's going to have to talk to you about how she felt. You two need to clear the air between you. Don't try to force it. Just let her talk. Darryl thinks that it might be the way to bring her back to us.'_

"This is going to hurt isn't it?"

"I would spare you this if I could, son. You know that."

"I know. Maybe you should let us be alone. You'll know if anything goes wrong."

"Of course. Be careful here, Edward. The mind is very fragile."

"I know, Carlisle. I just hope we're not too late to save her."

Carlisle placed his hand on his son's shoulder as he sat beside the daughter he thought he'd lost.


	13. Chapter 13

Carlisle sat in his office later that night, going over Bella's charts. He was hoping to find some clue, some hint as to what they would have to do to save the youngest member of their family.

"I just hope we don't have to lose her. I don't think Edward would survive it."

****

Esme walked into the hospital looking sad and lovely at the same time. She wanted, no needed, to see her youngest daughter. She had always wanted a human daughter, as much as she loved her vampire daughters.

Walking into the room, she noticed that Edward held one of Bella's hands to his cold lips. She stepped up behind her son and rested her hands on his shoulders.

"I can't lose her again, Esme. I just can't. If she doesn't forgive me, I'll go to Italy."

"Edward, she will forgive you. I know this. You know what I'm thinking. You know that I believe it with all my heart." She sat down on the bed beside Bella's legs. "We will all help her to pull through this. We all need Bella. And yes, I did say WE need Bella. Rosalie might not admit it but she's missed Bella too."

"Rose hated Bella. She wished I had never met her."

"She wanted what Bella has: her humanity. She feels cheated by the way she died. She loves our family but misses what she can never have." Esme sighed. "You didn't see Alice. For almost three months she wouldn't come out of her room. Not even to hunt. Jasper was afraid he was going to lose her. She refused to have anything to do with being something that had cost her so much. As far as she was concerned, her, and the rest of us for that matter, being what we are is what cost her the relationship she had with Bella. She hated herself and even more, she hated you."

"I know that, Esme. I deserved her hate. I deserved everyone's hate for taking you away from her. I just never thought that Alice would hate herself for being what she is because of me."

"Alice spent so long in her room that we thought we had lost her. The only way to get her to come out was to allow her to look into Bella's future. She was happy that Bella was okay but sad because Bella seemed to have forgotten us completely. She was so hard to console that night that my heart broke again."

"Esme, don't."

"I have to say it Edward. You pushed us to leave and we agreed. We are all to blame for her being in this state. Don't act like you are the only one that deserves blame. We could have argued the point with you. We chose not to so we also bear some of the blame."

Edward looked up at Esme. "Thank you."

She stood behind him for several hours, not moving. Just showing her support and love. And hoping that would help.

****

The next several days went pretty much the same. Charlie would stay with Bella most of the day and Edward and his family would take over at night.

Carlisle had told Charlie about what his friend had said. Bella's father was reluctant at first. He still blamed Edward for Bella being here in the first place. _'But if it brings Bella back to me, maybe it's worth a shot. But so help me if he hurts her like that again, I will kill him.'_

It was almost three days before Bella spoke to Edward again. "Am I supposed to forgive you, Edward? Am I supposed to forget the times I walked into the woods, hoping that something would find me? I wanted so badly to die for those first four months. I thought I wasn't good enough for you. I thought you left because you were tired of protecting me."

"Never, Bella. I would never get tired of protecting you." Edward wasn't above begging for her forgiveness. "I don't ask that you forgive me quickly. I only ask that you give me a chance to prove myself to you again."

"I don't know, Edward. I just don't know if I can let myself trust you again."

Suddenly, Bella turned her head away from Edward, feeling a familiar burn growing in her throat. _'Not now. I can't take care of this now.'_

"Bella? Bella, what's wrong?"

She shook her head, feeling the burn grow. "Edward, please go away."

"What's wrong, Bella? Please let me help you."

"You can't help me with this. Please just go." He could hear the tears in her voice and decided that discretion was the better part of valor. He stood up and walked to the door knowing that his family was just in the hallway.

"Call me when you want to talk to me," he said softly.

As she heard the door click closed behind her, tears started flowing down her face.

****

In the hallway, Esme wrapped her arms around her eldest son and pulled him in close. Carlisle rested a comforting hand on Edward's shoulder before turning to the door.

"Bella, can I talk to you for a minute?"

"Carlisle, I just can't deal with him right this moment."

Carlisle could smell Bella's tears. "What's wrong? Why are you crying?"

"It's something I just have to deal with." Her voice sounded odd to his sensitive ears.

"Will you talk to me?"

She shrugged. "I guess. He's upset because I told him that I wasn't sure if I could trust him again. I just don't know if it's worth the heartache of trusting him again only to have him leave me again. I almost didn't survive the last time." Her voice dropped to a whisper. "In more ways than one."

"What do you mean?" He put a hand on her shoulder. "Why don't you look at me and tell me what happened?"

"NO!" She pulled away from her one-time father figure. "I can't do that right now."

"Why? Does it have something to do with what happened when Edward and the rest of the family left?"

"You really want to know why I won't look at you?"

"Yes." His voice was gentle.

"I'm a freak."

"No you're not."

"I don't belong anywhere, Carlisle. I'm a freak."

"Bella, you belong wherever you want to be. You are no freak."

She rolled over then, determined to prove him wrong. "Are you so sure of that?" she asked, looking him in the eyes.

"Bella, your eyes!" he whispered.


	14. Chapter 14

"It happened about two months after you all left me. I had gone out walking that night and I was hoping to find a vampire. At that point I didn't care if they killed me or changed me. It didn't matter to me. I was in the woods near your old house and I did encounter a vampire. It was Laurent."

FLASHBACK

"_Bella?" he asked. When she nodded, he continued. "I didn't expect to see you here."_

_She shrugged. "I live here. I thought you'd gone to Alaska."_

"_I did go to Alaska. Still, I didn't expect … When I found the Cullen place empty, I thought they'd moved on."_

"_They did move on."_

"_I'm surprised they left you behind. Weren't you sort of a pet of theirs?"_

"_Something like that." She realized that he looked too much the same as before. His curious dark crimson eyes followed her movements._

"_Do they visit often?"_

_She didn't say a word and he knew then what had happened. "Well, I came here as a favor to Victoria. She won't be happy about this."  
_

"_About what?"_

"_About me killing you. She wanted to save that part for herself. She's sort of … put out with you, Bella."_

"_Why?"_

"_I know, it seems a little backward to me too. But James was her mate and your Edward killed him. She thought it more appropriate to kill you than Edward – fair turnabout, mate for mate. She asked me to get the lay of the land for her, so to speak. I didn't imagine you would be so easy to get to. So maybe her plan was flawed – apparently it wouldn't be the revenge she imagined, since you must not mean very much to him if he left you here unprotected. I suppose she'll be angry all the same."_

"_Why not wait for her then?"_

"_Well, you've caught me at a bad time, Bella. I didn't come to this place on Victoria's mission – I was hunting. I'm quite thirsty and you do smell simply mouthwatering."_

_He advanced on her and she froze. Her mind was screaming at her that this was what she wanted. She wasn't good enough for Edward so she didn't deserve to live. He bent toward her neck. She could feel the heat of his breath across her skin._

FLASHBACK ENDS

"His teeth grazed my neck, just hard enough to break the skin. That was when wolves showed up. They chased him off and I never saw him again."

"What happened after that?" Carlisle was now perched on the side of her bed and gazing down at her face. The black of her eyes unnerved the usually unflappable Cullen patriarch.

"I went home. I felt sick for several days but it passed and I thought nothing more of it. Then I started noticing that I was more graceful, I could move faster. I didn't need as much sleep. Then my skin started showing a soft shimmer in the sunlight. Carlisle, I didn't know what to do. You weren't here for me to ask and I couldn't find Alice's email or phone number anywhere." The fear building in her voice made Carlisle reach out and take her hand. "Then I felt that horrible burning in my throat. I remembered Edward telling me that that was the way it felt when he was thirsty. I was afraid that I would hurt Charlie so I ran away. I hid at your house for several days. Eventually I snuck into town to the meat shop. I broke in and started looking for a source of blood. I discovered a container of blood sitting in their walk in cooler and started drinking it. The smell was disgusting but I did it. And it tasted … well as I later found out it was better warm but it did the trick."

"How often do you get thirsty like that?"

"Maybe once a month. I've discovered that leading up to that time of the month I start feeling a little weaker, more like the old me. Clumsy, tired, weak. I just kept following the pattern of drinking animal blood once a month. It usually doesn't take much to satisfy the thirst as long as I don't wait too long. And it's never a taste for human blood. Only animal."

"Interesting." She smiled up at him. "What?"

"You're analyzing every word I say. I can see it on your face." He shrugged.

"What can I say? You always have been a rather unique individual. And I want to be able to help you with this." He turned away for a moment. When he turned back, she could read the questions in his eyes. "This next question is more personal. Do you still have your monthly cycle?"

"Yes. And usually the hunger hits right after the cycle ends."

"Interesting. Would you mind if I document this? We've never had a case like this. I'd like to know what's going on."

"I don't mind. I'm just scared that Edward will find out about this."

"He was still in the hallway when I came in here." Bella sat up a little and bowed her head.

"He'll blame himself for this. I know it."

"He will. But I think you can help him through it." Carlisle heaved a sigh. "It really hurts him that you're in here because of us. It hurts all of us."

"I just don't know how to tell him about this. I don't like seeing him beat himself up about every little thing."

"Trust me. He's not the only one. Esme blames herself for it. Alice keeps saying that she should have fought him on the subject. Jasper thinks it was all his fault. Rosalie, she doesn't say much except that she should have been nicer to you. Emmett's not sure what to think. He's just glad that we found you."

"Are you the only one who doesn't blame themselves?"

"Oh I do. I just handle it better. I know that we could have talked him out of leaving if we had really wanted to. I just feel that it's better to dwell on what we have here and now than what we did in the past. And right now, I have a situation to help you figure out. We need to find out what we can do to fix this."

"I've thought about it a lot the past few days. I think the only way to fix it now is to finish turning me. I can't see any way around this."

"Bella, I don't know if I can bring myself to do it." She sat up, grabbing at his hands.

"Carlisle, you told me that you believe I am one of your daughters whether my heart beats or not. Turn me, please."

"Bella, I can't do that. I can't kill you. Your father is here. It would break him."

She slumped back to the bed, defeat filling her features. "I can't live like this."

Suddenly, her head rolled to the side, her eyes closing. Carlisle reached to check her pulse to find it quick and thready.

He placed his hand to her forehead. The fever hadn't gone up but she seemed very uncomfortable. She was panting as if she'd been running a marathon.

_'Think, Carlisle. She said she gets weak if she doesn't get blood. Maybe if I get her blood she'll be okay.'_

He headed for the door. As he opened it, he noticed that Edward was nowhere to be seen. "Where did Edward go?"

"He went hunting a little while ago. He said something about needing to hunt if he was going to take care of Bella. He didn't hear about what happened to her."

"I need to get her some blood. Will you stay with her, Esme?"

"I will."

"She's very weak right now. You'll need to keep a close eye on her."

"I understand. Hurry, Carlisle. I don't know if I can hide the story from Edward if he comes back before you do."

Carlisle nodded and ran off to find some blood for Bella.


	15. Chapter 15

An hour and half later Carlisle walked back into Bella's room carrying a bottle. He sat down on the side of the bed and started opening the bottle. Esme moved to the edge of the bed and started raising Bella up so that she could drink.

He started pouring the blood down Bella's throat a little at a time. Eventually, she started swallowing faster as if she couldn't get enough. As she drank, the two vampires watched the color in her face improving. He poured it faster and faster.

Finishing the bottle, Bella sighed. It had been warm and amazingly satisfying. She lay back on the bed.

"Thank you, Carlisle," she whispered.

"Thank Emmett. He went hunting for you. Filled the thermos with grizzly."

"It tasted good." She chuckled. "It still feels weird saying that. I used to think I'd never get used to doing this."

"Are you okay?"

"I will be. I just need to rest now." She curled up under the covers and closed her eyes, sleep coming quickly to the young woman.

"Let's leave her be, Esme. She'll probably sleep for a long time."

The couple walked out of the room and went to wait down the hall.

****

Edward walked down the hallway toward Bella's room. He needed to talk to her.

He smelled the blood as he approached her room. It was grizzly. What was grizzly blood doing in Bella's room? Was Emmett here visiting her?

He walked into the room and stopped short. There was a thermos on the stand beside Bella's bed. He walked over and looked down at the woman he loved. She was sleeping. He picked up the thermos and opened it, sniffing at the contents. Grizzly. A thermos of grizzly blood in Bella's room. He leaned over Bella to kiss her. Oh no! He could smell the grizzly on Bella too. What was going on here?

"She drank it." Rosalie was standing in the doorway. "Emmett went out and got blood for her. Carlisle fed it to her."

"Why?"

Bella's voice stopped him cold. "Because of Laurent. He found me when I was out walking near your house one night. He almost killed me. As it is he made me into something that doesn't belong in your world or mine."

"Bella, please tell me. I want to help you."

"I don't think you can. Not unless you're willing to finish what he started."

"What do you mean?"

"When I turned away from you, it was because I didn't want you to see my eyes. Laurent turned me halfway. I have to have blood at least once a month. I'm not a full vampire but I'm not really human anymore either." Her head was bowed as if she was ashamed of this.

Edward silently searched for Carlisle's mind and realized exactly what she meant. "Bella, I'm so sorry. I didn't know you'd be in that kind of danger. I thought you'd be safer without us around. Please forgive me."

"Edward, I love you. I want to forgive you. I just don't know how to start."

"You said that you wanted me to finish what Laurent started."

"Finish turning me. Then I can finally belong somewhere." Her eyes were pleading. She really wanted this.

Edward sighed and bowed his head. "I can't, Bella. I can't turn you. That would destroy your father." He took her hand. "I want you to be part of my family. You are part of my family. And when the time is right, I will be there to do this."

"Edward, this is killing me. It's hurting my father because I'm afraid that one of these days the hunger will change and I'll want human blood. I'm terrified to be around my father because I'm afraid that I'm going to hurt him." She brushed away the tears in her eyes. "I stay away from people for one week a month as much as possible. I can't handle trying to explain to people why I isolate myself like this."

"Bella, look."

"No, Edward, you look. I can't keep doing this. I've been going through this for three years. It's your fault for leaving me as much as it's my fault for being stupid enough to think you cared for me! You let me believe that you loved me and then you dumped me! You left me in the woods! You simply turned and walked away as if I meant nothing more to you than a casual friend! I wished for you to turn around! I chased you further into the woods, crying for you!" Her tears were coming hard and fast now. She was really letting it all go. "When I got lost, I lay down in the mud, wanting nothing more than for you to find me. I prayed that you'd realize that something was wrong and come back for me." She looked at him. "Don't you look away! Don't you try to avoid my tears!" She grabbed his arm and pulled at him. "You gave up that right when you left me laying in the woods in the mud. For four months people told me to just let you go. They told me that everything would be alright! What did they know? How could they ever understand that I loved you more than my own life? I couldn't explain it to them either. I couldn't betray your secret! I loved you so much that I hated you at times. I found myself wishing that I'd never come to Forks. That I'd never met you."

"And your mind made it so." Edward's quiet whisper was such a contrast to Bella's yelling and crying that it took her by surprise.


	16. Chapter 16

A/N: I know it's been a long time since I updated. Thanks to everyone who is still with me

* * *

"What do you mean?"

Looking around, Edward noticed that the others had all left the room. It was just Bella and Edward. "Your mind took your deepest wish and made you believe that it was the reality. It couldn't take you away from home but it blocked off all memories of the family and of me. You had never met me. Your mind made sure of that."

"How could it do that?" Bella was calming down a little now. She was curious.

"Think of your mind as being made up of many different rooms. Some of them have doors and some have nothing more than curtains. Your mind took all your memories of me and the family and put them in one room. Then it bricked up the door so they could never escape."

"Then what happened?"

"When we moved here a few months ago and you started seeing us around town, it was like the mortar between the bricks just fell apart. Emmett talked to you at the sporting goods store one night. Mortar fell away. Another time, you may have seen Alice and Jasper walking down the street. A few bricks may have fallen. You may have heard one of our voices somewhere or smelled our scent. There goes a few more bricks." He paused a moment to let that part sink in. "But then when I walked into your biology class and was hit by your scent, it was like someone hit the brick wall with a wrecking ball. It crashed down and the door flew open, spilling all of those memories back into your mind."

"Is that what caused the fever?"

"That's what we believe. Your mind couldn't deal with the pain so it took you away from the pain by making you so sick that you couldn't go to class and be around me." Edward hung his head. "I caused this. I put you here again. Just like with James."

"Edward, I'm not going to say that it isn't your fault. I am going to say that we can work through this. We will. After all, Carlisle and you are both here and helping me figure out what I need to do."

He bent his head and kissed her forehead. Pulling back in surprise, he smiled at her. "Your fever seems to be broken. Let's see how long that lasts."

"Don't go," she whispered. "Tell me where you've been and what you've been doing for the past three years."

"Alright. I'll stay. At least until you fall back to sleep." He sat down in the chair and held her hand as they talked about the past three years and what each of them had been doing.

After she fell asleep, he left the room to go talk to Carlisle. They had a few things to iron out.

****

Carlisle and Edward were sitting in his office talking about the past when the call came in.

"Dr. Cullen, Isabella Swan's fever has returned. She gone into convulsions again. We can't even get close to her. Three orderlies have been thrown into the wall."


	17. Chapter 17

Carlisle and Edward ran into the room as yet another orderly was sent flying into the wall. "Everyone out!" Carlisle hissed.

Once everyone had left the room, Edward and Carlisle looked at each other. "Carlisle, we have to. It may be the only way to save her."

"Edward, are you sure you want to do this?"

"I don't think we have a lot of choice in the matter, Carlisle."

"Do you think we could discuss it with Charlie first?"

"He's coming down the hall right now. If you plan on asking him about his feelings on the subject, I suggest you do it quickly."

Charlie opened the door to see his daughter convulsing on the bed. "What is going on here?"

"Charlie, Bella's fever has returned and higher than ever. I don't know if even an ice bath would help at this point. I only know of one thing that might save Bella. It won't be easy on her. Nor on you. It would be difficult for you to see."

"I don't care, Carlisle. Please. Save my daughter."

"Wait out in the hallway for a little bit." Charlie nodded and walked back out of the room. "Let's do this, Edward. I don't want her to suffer from this any more."

Carlisle bent over one arm as Edward bent to her neck. "I'm sorry, Bella," he whispered before his teeth sank into her neck.

Could they save this precious young woman? No one knew.

****

Charlie sat in the waiting room down the hall from his daughter's room with his head in his hands. Carlisle had sounded hopeful. Could he really save Bella?

The doctor in question stepped into the hallway sighing as if he had had to do something terrible. Charlie stood up and walked toward him.

"Carlisle?"

"Charlie, we aren't going to know if this is going to work until much later. But before the treatment I gave her takes full effect, I want to move her somewhere more comfortable. I want to take her to my house, where I can keep a better eye on her for the next three days at least."

"Will it help her?"

"It couldn't hurt her." Carlisle placed a hand on his trembling shoulder. "I will tell you this much. The next few days will be crucial. And I will be honest, I don't know if it's going to save her. But I am trying."

"Can I stay with her?"

"I would rather you didn't. But I will call you each night and let you know how she's doing. Is that acceptable?"

Charlie hung his head. "It might have to be. For now."

"As soon as she's stable again and awake, I will let you talk to her on the phone. I don't know what else I can promise you."

"And you swear that you'll let me know as soon as she can have visitors?"

"I swear. You will be the first phone call I make at that time."

Charlie nodded as if accepting the fact that it would have to do for now. "Whatever you have to do. As long as my daughter lives, that's all I care about."

Carlisle nodded and walked back into the room where Edward was waiting with Bella. "We're taking her back to the house to get through this. I don't want her here when it happens."

Edward nodded and picked up Bella, heading for the window. He leapt out and ran off into the woods behind the hospital.

Once inside the shelter of the trees, Alice and Emmett joined him in the run to the house. Both were worried about the youngest member of their family. And rightly so. Edward still had his questions as to whether or not this would work.

****

Walking into the house, the first screams tore from Bella's throat. Esme was standing at the stairs. "I set her up in your room, Edward. I thought she'd be more comfortable there."

"Thank you, Esme." Edward darted up the stairs and lay the woman he loved on his bed. "I'm here, Bella. I'll take care of you."

Carlisle came in and sat on the opposite side of the bed. The two of them sat watch as Bella screamed and writhed in burning pain for three days before her body gave up.


	18. Chapter 18

Four days after the first bite had been administered, Bella's eyes opened to a new world. Every color was sharper and more defined. Every scent was clearer.

And her throat burned as if someone were holding a blowtorch to it.

"You're thirsty, Bella. We'll take you hunting soon enough." Carlisle's rich voice came from her left side.

"How do you feel, love? Other than thirsty?" Edward's velvet smooth voice drew her attention to her right.

"I feel as if I've been asleep for a very long time and have only just woke up." She sat up gingerly as she looked around the room. She could see the seems in the wallpaper and the brush strokes in the paint. She could almost make out the wood grain on the floor. "I see everything so much more clearly. I can tell a difference in the scents so much more clearly than I could before."

She leaned into Edward and took a whiff. "Apples and cinnamon." Leaning into Carlisle she did the same thing. "Oranges and vanilla. Interesting. I can smell the cedar chest that's in the next room."

"How do you know it's in the next room?" Carlisle asked.

"I heard it being opened and closed a couple of times while I was changing."

Suddenly, the door to the room flew open and a dark-haired, pixie-looking woman ran into the room. "Bella!" she squealed as she all but threw herself into her friend's arms.

"Alice," Bella sighed as she hugged her friend tightly. She felt so comforted by Alice's presence that she relaxed.

"Bella needs to hunt, Alice."

"I'll get her dressed." Alice helped Bella get up off the bed and the two of them ran out of the room, heading for the room that Alice was occupying here.

"Alice, I don't know about this. I don't know what's wrong with me but I don't feel like hunting."

"What do you mean you don't feel like hunting? That's not normal. I think that we might need to talk to Carlisle about this."

Alice walked toward the door. "Alice, no. I don't want to worry him or Edward. I'll hunt."

"Bella, if you don't want to hunt, we need to find out why." Alice was really worried about the fact that, as a newborn, Bella didn't want to hunt. That just wasn't the way this thing went.

"I'll hunt. Just please don't say anything. It might just be that I had blood just a few days ago. Carlisle would probably say the same thing."

"Okay. But if it continues, I'm telling him."

"Agreed."

Bella left the room to find Carlisle and Edward waiting outside for the newest member of their family.

She smiled at Edward and took his hand as he led her into the woods for their first hunt together.


	19. Chapter 19

Bella found a wolf and fed deeply. She was full but she felt another desire slamming into her. She turned to see Edward standing behind her, watching her with pride evident in his golden eyes.

She leapt at him, pinning him to the ground as she ripped at him. No at his clothes. She felt as though she would die if she didn't have him right now, right here.

Edward was shocked as Bella stripped herself almost as viciously as she had torn his clothing from him. When she took him, it was as if she were possessed by something not human nor vampire. She was almost manic in her urge to have him.

****

Bella was sated. She was laying across Edward's chest panting as if she had run two back-to-back marathons as a human. He held her gently, murmuring softly to her.

She lifted from him and walked to the small stream close by. She washed herself carefully and then sat down on a fallen log. "I'm sorry," she whispered tearfully.

Edward all but flew to her side. Sitting down beside him, he wrapped an arm around her and pulled her close. "Sorry for what, love?"

"I don't know what came over me. I don't know what happened and I don't like it." She looked up at him, blood red tears flowing from her golden eyes.

"Bella, you're crying. We can't cry." Edward was amazed. He looked around and saw what remained of his pants laying on the ground nearby. He went and grabbed them, searching for his cell phone.

"We're already here," sang out the pixie voice. "I brought clothes and Carlisle's here too."

The backpack flew into the clearing landing beside Bella. She immediately opened it and grabbed some clothes to put on. Edward also got dressed quickly and then called out that it was okay to come on out.

Carlisle ran to Bella and started looking at her. Alice sat next to her with an arm around her, murmuring too softly for Edward to hear from where he stood.

"I think the only way we'll be able to find out what's happening to Bella is to test her venom after her next hunt, before she can take you like that again would be preferable." Carlisle sighed from where he had gone to stand next to his son. "I just can't explain the tears. I've never seen anything like that before."

"Do you think the fact that she was drinking blood before the change could have something to do with it?"

"I don't know, Edward. I just don't know."

"Do you think the Volturi might have some record of something like this?"

"I don't know. I also don't know what they might do with her if they got their hands on her."

Edward cringed, thinking of what could possibly happen to his beloved Bella in the hands of the Volturi.

****

Two days later, Bella had shown no sign of hunger. But she still hadn't gotten over the fact that she had attacked Edward like a sex-starved maniac. She hadn't come out of the room in two whole days. Hadn't even stirred from the bed. She had soaked through three pillows with her tears.

Esme's heart was breaking for her youngest daughter. Carlisle didn't dare let Charlie see her like this. He would never understand.

Edward sat near their bed and watched her hiding from what she had become.

"Bella, do you hate me?" he asked.

"Why? How can you ask that of me? How can you think that I hate you?"

"You haven't spoken to me in two days. What did I do?"

"It's not you. I just don't know how to deal with becoming something so different from everyone else in your world. No one knows how to deal with me."

"Not deal with you, love. Help you. We all want to help you because you seem so lost and afraid."

"I'm ashamed."

"Of what?"

"Of what I did to you." She had hidden her face again.

"Bella, I wasn't expecting that but that doesn't mean that I didn't enjoy it."

"I was acting like a total …" Edward's finger came down across her lips.

"Don't even think it. It's not true. You are a wonderful woman. And you make a beautiful vampire." He bent over and kissed her lips. "And I love you."

"How can you love me? We don't even know what I am right now."

"You are a vampire. A beautiful and unique vampire. That's what you are." He stroked fingers gently down her cheeks and gazed deep into her eyes. "And you are with me. Where you should have been all along."

"But, Edward, what are we going to do? How can I see Charlie like this?"

"Like what?"

"With blood red eyes and not knowing just what I should be doing."

"Bella, love, your eyes are as golden as the rest of us. I don't know why but maybe it has something to do with the fact that you've been drinking blood for a while. You may not be as susceptible to the blood lust as the rest of us just because of that fact. Carlisle's doing some research into the situation."

Just then, Edward's mind picked up the thought from Carlisle. _'They're coming here. The Volturi are coming to see Bella. They are curious as to what kind of newborn we've fostered here. I'm sorry, Edward. I wasn't finding any information about the sort of things we've experienced with Bella and so I called Aro, hoping that he could give me some information. He immediately decided that they would come here and see her for themselves.'_

"Carlisle just told me that the Volturi are coming here. Bella, they're coming to see you. He was trying to help when he called them."

Bella placed a finger over Edward's lips, stilling them instantly. "I'm not upset with Carlisle. He's trying to help me. Maybe the Volturi can help me figure out why I'm not normal."

Edward lay down next to his love and wrapped her tightly in his arms, not looking forward to the arrival of the vampire royalty.


	20. Chapter 20

Four days later, the Volturi guard arrived in the small town. They stayed out of sight of the mortals and headed straight for the Cullen home.

Opening the door to a knock that afternoon, Esme was surprised to see Aro, Marcus and Caius standing in the doorway. "Esme, mate to my dear friend Carlisle. May we come in to your lovely home?" Aro asked.

Of course, Esme couldn't very well refuse them. No one refused the Volturi anything. Not and survived.

Esme stepped back to allow the elder vampires to enter the house. She watched as they sat down in the living room. "I'll call Carlisle. He's currently at work."

"Of course, dear."

Esme went into the kitchen and started dialing the number. "Carlisle, they're here." It was all she needed to say when he picked up the phone.

She was nervous, afraid that they would decide that Bella had to be destroyed. She loved Bella and didn't want to see her hurt.

'_Edward, they're here. Caius and Aro and Marcus. They're in the living room.'_ She knew that he would know what the best course of action would be. _'I've already called Carlisle. He's on his way home right now.'_

"Bella, love. The heads of the Volturi are here. Would you like to go down and talk to them? Carlisle's on his way home."

"Can we just wait here until he gets here?" Her fear translated to Edward. He vowed that he would protect her but he knew that he might have to fight for her. He didn't want her to see that. Even more, he didn't want her to have to DO that.

Just ten minutes later, Carlisle knocked on the bedroom door. "Bella, Edward, we need you to come downstairs now."

Edward walked out the door first with Bella right behind him. She was holding his hand and he could feel her trembling.

"Bella, it is so nice to finally meet the young woman that has so thoroughly captivated young Edward." Aro seemed to be overly dramatic to Bella's way of thinking. Aro held out a hand toward Edward.

Bella clutched his hand as if to keep him close to her. Edward let go of her hand and stepped forward to show Aro what had been happening. Aro stood there just gazing at Edward while touching his hand. She wasn't sure what to make of the creature in front of her.

"Well, it seems we have an anomaly in our midst, brothers. Dear Bella actually sheds tears. And the other things that Edward has shown me make me wonder just how many of our talents she might be immune to."He held out one delicate appearing hand to Bella. "If you would, my dear."

"Aro can see your every thought. But only if he touches you," Edward warned her.

Bella stepped forward. She knew her mind was a blank page to Edward but she wasn't certain if it would be to this creature. She took his hand. He stared into her eyes and waited.

After several long minutes, Aro laughed out loud. "It seems she is as immune to me as she is to you, Edward. May I test further? Jane dear."

What appeared to be a young girl stepped out from behind the couch and focused her gaze on Bella. Edward growled and stepped in front of her only to fall to the floor apparently in a great deal of pain.

"Edward!" Bella screamed as she stepped forward, reaching for him. Emmett grabbed her arm and pulled only to drop it as Edward's pain seemed to end as suddenly as it started.

Jane wasn't happy about that. A grimace appeared on her face as she concentrated harder on Bella. But nothing seemed to affect the newborn. Aro clapped his hands. Jane turned to him with a puzzled look on her face. "Demetri, could you track her?"

"I sense nothing of her, master. No scent."

Aro smiled. He realized that this young woman could be the one that he'd been looking for. "What of the others?"

"Their scents are crystal clear to me. Except for Edward's."

"Jane, dear, someone else if you please." But before she could hurt anyone else, Bella cried out and suddenly it was as if none of the others were in the room. The shake of Demetri's head and Jane's grimace of concentration answered the question for Aro. "It appears she confounds us all, dear ones."

Bella turned into Edward's chest and started to shake. Edward could suddenly hear her thoughts. She was so frightened. He hooked her chin and pulled her face up to look into his eyes. "Don't be frightened, love. We're here with you."

"You heard my thoughts?" Bella asked. When he nodded, Aro appeared puzzled and yet delighted all at once.

"Incredible. It appears that your Bella is a shield. And quite a powerful one at that. She can shield anyone else that she chooses. And, although our powers don't work on her while outside her shield, they might inside it." Marcus shook his head.

"No, brother. I believe that powers that depend on accessing her mind won't work on her unless she wants them to. She is very powerful. But that power can and must be harnessed. Her ties to the others are very strong. She counts them as her family."

Alice spoke up then. "Right after she woke up, she didn't want to hunt. She did but it wasn't something she wanted to do."

Aro reached out his hand. Alice glanced at Bella. "I'm sorry, Bella, but we need to know." Bella nodded sadly and allowed herself to stop thinking about protecting Alice. She also let go of Jasper so that he could protect her if it came to it.

Alice placed her hand in Aro's and showed him what had happened just before Bella's first real hunt.

"Interesting. I have never seen such a thing. We will need to add that to our records. Bella, do you not feel thirst?"

"A little. It's nothing overpowering. I can deal with it." She looked at Aro from where she stood wrapped in Edward's arms with blood red tears coursing down her face.

She saw their eyes go black with thirst and cringed into Edward's embrace. He leaned down to her ear. "It's the tears, Bella. You cry tears of blood."

She swallowed hard and fought to control herself. Aro shook his head. "Please forgive us. We have already eaten. But to see blood flowing so freely like that. We have never seen such a thing before." He turned to the others. "We do not feed from our own. We will not attack her." He dropped Alice's hand and Bella reached out a hand for her sister and best friend.

Alice stepped to her and looked up at Edward who merely nodded at the question she must have thought for his benefit alone. Edward saw Jane step back behind the couch to stand with Alec. It was obvious by the look on her face that she truly hated Bella right then.

Edward wasn't admitting to it, but as long as Bella had her shield around him he couldn't hear the thoughts of those outside it. Alice couldn't see them and Jasper couldn't feel them. It was not a comfortable situation.

Aro decided to speak up from where he stood. "My brothers and I must confer." The other two moved up to Aro and the three of them bent their heads together to discuss what was to be done with Bella and the Cullens.

Bella's shield made her a target for the Volturi. If they had ever wanted someone for the guard it would be Bella. She would make a powerful addition. Edward would never allow that.

"We have decided," Aro began. "Carlisle, are you willing to take responsibility for Bella, especially during the crucial first year?"

"I am."

"And is your family willing to stand beside you to help teach and train the newborn you have created?"

"We are," was the chorused reply.

"Bella, are you willing to listen to what the Cullens have to say and heed their advice? Are you willing to allow them to guide you as you learn about this life you have embraced?"

Bella still huddled in Edward's arms answered. "I am."

"Then, we will allow you to live. However, the first indication we receive that you or any of the Cullens is not upholding their end of the bargain, we will destroy all of you. There will be no second chance. And I warn you now, we will be sending people to check up on you. There will be vigilance in this matter."

"We understand. Thank you, Aro."

"I do expect to be kept updated on this amazing young creature. She is unlike any other of our kind." With that, the Volturi left the house without looking back.

Once they were out of sight, Carlisle and Edward both heaved a sigh of relief. "That's over, thankfully."

Carlisle's spoken verification seemed to lift a cloud of fear and worry from the house. But no one truly relaxed for several long hours.


End file.
